I am back from vacation (and already having problems with WordPress but that’s another post). And I’m still on hiatus from blogging as I (grudgingly) resume the daily grind. But when I saw this post from Cate Russell-Cole, I had to break my silence.
It chills me that we might have lost Cate this summer. I knew she was in pain, but I never knew how bad it was. I am grateful that she was able to get help and she is still with us, and I hope she will be for a long, long time.
I’ve had times when I considered suicide, although for lesser reasons than Cate. During a period when I had free access to drugs and alcohol, I leaned toward the “accidental” suicide approach, but I was never “successful.” And to use Cate’s own words, this is why I’m glad I never was successful: “If I had taken my life when I first considered it, I would have missed out on getting married, great jobs, knowing and loving some awesome people and so very much more.”
If those attempts had been successful, I would have missed out on meeting my husband which means I would have missed out on celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. I would have missed gazing up at the wonder of the Milky Way as it came to life over Mono Lake. I would have missed hiking up through the cinder and ash of Black Point. I would have missed days of talking and laughing with our friends of 30+ years. I would have missed the seediness of San Francisco as well as its glory. I would have missed coming home and holding each of our cats although none of them like to be held. I would have missed my husband who is my anchor in all things at all times. I would have missed each of you. Cate is right. Life does get better. Hang in there and reach out.
Marie A Bailey
Writer, blogger, knitter, cat lover, and introvert.